Overwhelmed
In Be Kind Rewind whenever a person was shot, their brains blew out behind them as creatively placed pizza’s. I see it and I think of it as a claymation character’s solution to the hardship in the world. It’s a cutesy way of displaying a mess. Whatever way I look at it though, right now my brain feels like that pizza exploding out from the back of my head. Though at least at the end of all this work it is all good things that are sweeping over me, just so much at one time.
If all works out though, I will hopefully feel this way for the next few years. My brain exploding is just one of the signs that I am doing the amount of work that needs to be done for this, and when it all starts to pay off I will be smiling for the constant headache. I know it is well worth it all.
- Jesse
Cycle-ist
I am going to prepare my own definition of the word. See mental diagram B.
Cycle-ist - pronounced sigh-klist, Conclusive and collective system - see also routine. see also creation strategy. see also world theory, laws of balance. See also gears. See also mechanism. See also bicycles. See also simultaneous time compression.
- in reference life has laws and we live as gears. Consistent cycle-ists. Round and round the mulberry bush, death popped the weasel.
Life is: Short. Sweet. Bitter. Joyful (& triumphant) Vulnerable. Fragile. Beautiful. Terrifying. Surprising, simultaneously also routine.
I’m kind of stuck on a tandem bicycle and it’s like a nightmare, I am glued into position. I have to remain stagnant and sloth like which makes me lethargic and I lose my fight or flight drive. It’s terrifying because instead of the typical two seats of the tandem cycle’s design there is a good six billion plus instead.
I had a photo but it will not attach so imagine this grayscale photo of the ten men on a tandem bicycle, sweaty, angry, lost, tired, stuck. Then multiply that by another six hundred million plus. You get the idea.
I self-motivate by turning inwards what I give to others, but I also turn inwards what other atmospheres are given to me - in most cases the latter of the two offers to me little help.
Cycle-ists don’t let go of their routine in anything they do, they live then they die, they are young and then they are old. Day comes and then night, the cycle-ist propeller reinforces another day of cause and effect, action and reaction - until the cycle is complete. It’s life, it’s death. All general, all relative, all inclusive. Conclude here.
Thought about life today (thought about life every day) We are so jaded by the curve balls and the pot holes that we expect them with no element of surprise. We hit them with full force anyways and the only typical surprise is when we escape with no damage.
What it actually means to be alive, is to simultaneously compress time. We live always in the past, walking through the present, building for the future. We are nothing until we have lived the next succession of moments we have built up for, and nothing again until the next after that.
I am a cycle-ist by nature for I am human but I want to break the route and get off the bike. Laws of life can not be escaped: I was born so I must die, but laws of living can be reinvented.
I would like to for one day live in the absolute present with each moment how I wish it would be without building up for the next. Though each of our actions are a cycle anticipating for the reaction that will follow. The result: the successive future.
I wish living, the act of living had more drive and meaning than what we cycle-ists have been offered, but we’re still stuck on this fucking tandem bike. We give it meaning by creating our little niches and routine, to create an importance, a wealth of emotional complexity for reaching inside our niched worlds within worlds and connecting material with a striding gear.
I am being nihilistic after considering a death today. How little suffocated worlds stuffed with routines kill off the characters enabling them. If you do not cherish life and the ability to live it unobstructed then you time compress things too largely in your cycle. You will kill yourself simply by not knowing your own potential. Potential to breathe in the moment clearly, while providing your life with what you need.
What is it that I need now? Who knows now?
I try to create and inflict positive change for others in their lives for the future, even though I know nothing to what the future holds. I say I hope to do things which I have full intention of doing but life’s and death’s moments often sweep you off your feet.
Nothing more romantic than a twenty year plan.
- Jesse James
04/05/11
1:50 am
Influences
Sometimes you meet that person who is simply meant to change your life. You don’t know how or when they are coming, but then they hit you with an incredible force and you can’t get them out of your head. - This is how I feel about my newest character I have been writing. She is still too shy to introduce, but I know she is going to do incredible things.
She has such an influential energy and a really magnetic personality. It doesn’t feel at all like I am writing her, but rather that I am learning about her which is the way - in my opinion, the best characters come to the page.
For several weeks now we have been spending a few hours a day together getting to know each other, she speaks a lot about herself and I listen and soak it all up. She is young, but she has so much to tell. I enjoy hearing her stories, so much so that I feel emotionally involved. I have not enjoyed getting to know anyone like this since Ben. Her world is so fantastically driving, so fluid and full, it is sometimes difficult hearing the hardship that her relationships have suffered, all of the things she has gone through. I record them though, because she wants me to.
I enjoy the time we spend together and when we are apart things remind me of her. I write them down to tell her later, as I am always looking forward to the next visit we have.
Speaking of which I hear her voice upstairs, time to start with another session. I wonder what tale she will tell.
I can not wait for the world to meet her.
Sometimes..
Sometimes I fracture stable minds with infection just to see insanity run it’s course. A disease is a beautiful thing to watch develop, so romantic to watch walls fall apart. Like cracking ice just to allow yourself to imagine drowning in the black, not a physical act of drowning. Simple mental experience. You’re mesmerized in the dark. You no longer exist.
Molly. I honestly think this character is a diamond in the rough, a magnum opus in the making. Though, I think all authors think that of their first character. This is a revision of the first instalment of the (working title) Monsters series.
Oh, the brush glides easily, doesn’t it? Across…
Metamorphosis
We could all be butterflies.
Life Cycle of a Caterpillar to Butterfly:
Pupae, eggs (Depending on the season and climate, these can stay in this state for a few weeks, or many months according to the type) —> Caterpillars (They hatch and feed and stay as caterpillars for two to three weeks. [Depending on the type, some may stay as such a few months]) —> Lepidoptera Caterpillars then pupate. For the species that overwinter as pupae, this stage can last many months or for other species for a stage of two to three weeks. —> Butterfly, once the Caterpillar has completed it’s Metamorphosis to the Butterfly, the Butterfly’s lifespan is only that of two to three days.
Our life cycle in comparison of the human concept of time appears to be much longer, and in a larger scale of opportunity, but our window is just as small.
We begin our lives in someone else’s care, as babies, unable to make decisions or express thoughts, or create any direct and intentioned effect in the world outside of controlling our own instinctual needs.
Our caterpillar stage continues for a much longer period of time in our lives, say from birth, up until anywhere in between (depending on the human) even so far as to the point just before our death.
We transcend our experience beyond simply an experience of singular moments, and collectively we are ready to transform. This can happen at any age, at any time.
That is where we pupate, our metamorphosis begins. We spend days, months, years in that transitional state.
Once we know what we want to know, have lived all that we wished to live (and sometimes, many times even when we haven’t) we become the butterfly’s we were meant to be. Wiser, stronger, able to see more of the world and take it all in, possibly at a space in life and time where we could understand it.. and then our life ends, giving us a shorter period of time to use this to our advantage.
I guess the secret is to love it in your own way while you have time, loving the world and loving life. You can only soar above the world for so long, because everything that goes up must in turn..come down. Not in a sad way though, because we leave behind us the next generation, and we hope to give them the time and room to grow.
Just because you are a caterpillar for so long, doesn’t mean you can not still see the world from the ground. You still have so much time to experience that which you want and make it worth all the years spent doing it.
& perhaps for the few that are lucky, you can transcend and shed your caterpillar state when you are ready at an earlier time, then move through a longer period as the Butterfly, able to soar higher and achieve exactly what you meant to before you die.
I’m not a butterfly yet, nor do I know if I ever will be before I die, but the caterpillar stage suits me just fine for now. Learning, growing, creating and putting my small body out there in the world to see how I could potentially thrive.
Life is not singular moments in time, it is every one of them.
Transformation happens when you’re ready, and you will simply know when you are ready to make that change. Do not be afraid to go through several stages, experiencing every angle of the person you were meant to be.
Do not be too quick to move forward, but do not be too long holding yourself back.
Just be.
Your whole life is your chance at metamorphosis, be the change you want to see in yourself, and then be that change in the world.
